Okay, real talk, no one can really tell anything about you for sure based on the way you like to get lifted. But just for a bit of fun, we decided to put our shrink caps on and try out a little Psychology 101 to figure out if we can guess your personality based on the method you use to enjoy your ganja. There are a ton of different ways to smoke weed but we’re looking at this from a recreational perspective today. Therefore, you medical marijuana patients are exempt from this little psych experiment. We also pretty much bypassed edibles because that’s a whole universe unto itself, although we guarantee you the guy hoarding old stashes of banned marijuana gummy bears is a serial killer. So, without further ado, let’s attempt to determine what your preferred method of smoking says about you.
1. Standard Hand Pipe: The Conservative
We’ll start simple with your standard, reliable hand pipe. While this seems like the easiest place to begin, spoon pipes and hand pipes in general are so popular that it makes it difficult to actually pinpoint what type of person would choose one as their preferred smoking piece. Probably all of us have had a hand pipe at some point. But keep in mind that we’re asking what type of person chooses a hand pipe out of all of the different ways to smoke weed. Here we find the portrait of a very casual stoner, the type that maybe only likes to smoke a bit here and there, probably on the weekend. You can expect some conservative tastes from the hand pipe smokers; they don’t want to spend a lot of cash on getting stoned or invest much in the experience in general. That means they want a quick, straightforward hit without any hassles or commitment. Voted “most likely to microdose.”
2. Sherlock Pipe: The Bohemian
The Sherlock is a type of hand pipe that puts the style back in smoking style. It’s like an episode of
in glass pipe form. When you imagine the type of person that smokes out of a Sherlock, you can almost feel the mustache wax. While this smoker is laid back, s/he also loves deep thought a la the pipe’s namesake. Yes, the Sherlock pipe is the smoke piece of choice for eccentric philosophers and problem solvers.
3. Bubbler Pipe: Surprisingly Serious
The glass bubbler is another tough pipe to peg to any one type of person. However, despite its playful, poppy name, the bubbler is a solitary smoking pipe meaning it may be favorable to the lone wolf. It’s similar to a standard hand pipe in its simplicity yet often produces smoother hits so there’s a bit more refinement. Because of this, you could easily find this being a favorite among serious college students and young professionals alike.
4. Water Pipe: For the Pot Paramours
A lot of smokers recount their love for Mary Jane as love at first toke. Hand pipes aren’t enough to pay homage to the muse and they quickly graduate to a water pipe. Not all water pipes are created equal but we can assume anyone investing in one, no matter the quality, has achieved the level of serious stoner. Of all the different ways to smoke weed, the water pipe is one of the most versatile options, appealing to party monsters and Saturday night couch guardians alike. But there’s a unifying factor here: those who choose a water pipe are not having a casual fling with weed. They’re in love.
5. Dab Rigs: Hard Wax
A good water pipe might knock you into outer space but a dab rig will take you a few galaxies further. Therefore, only the hardcore stoners go the oil rig route. These are the hardest of the hard, the craziest of the crazy, seeking new thrills at every turn. If you tell these guys “go hard or go home” they burn their homes down to show how hard they are. At best, a dabber is living on the edge. At worst, they’re pretty comfortable living slightly over it.
6. Tabletop Vaporizer: Don Draper Before and After
While being a bachelor can sometimes consist of figuring out how to properly re-heat a chalupa using only a hot plate, a bachelor in his prime is the type to relax with a tabletop vaporizer. This is someone who has the money and will to invest in a high end means of cannabis consumption. However, the desktop vaporizer can also be a beacon to the health conscious who want a premium vaping experience in the comforts of home. If you ever meet a guru, s/he’s probably got one of these back at the ashram. So, this one’s a bit of a mixed bag with some vapers using it to cut loose after a long day at the office and another completely different group hitting it after a 30-minute yoga session to amplify the high. Basically, the tabletop vaporizer = the last episode of Mad Men
7. Vape Pen: For the Sneaky Bastards
Vape pens aren’t just for millennials but it’s pretty obvious why they’re so into them. They are by far the techiest method of weed consumption on this list. They’re sophisticated enough for the cosmopolitan and portable enough for those who love the outdoors. But another big draw of the vape pen is that it’s sneaky as hell. The vape pen is perfect for those people who get a thrill out of doing what they want, when they want, right under everyone’s noses. Get a portable vaporizer in the hands of the right person and you won’t see or smell a thing.
8. Rolled Cigarette: The OG Classic
Sometimes you just can’t mess with a classic. There are so many different ways to smoke weed that sometimes the best option is to just go back to the source. That’s why rolling up is still often the preferred method of hippies and classic OG stoners. These laid back lifers have perfected the art of the role. Sometimes, it seems like they’re a dying breed but will we ever actually see the last days of the joint? Doubtful.
Of course, with 43% of adults in the U.S. admitting to smoking marijuana
, calling this kind of profiling a generalization is a bit of an understatement. It seems that there are almost as many different ways to smoke weed as there are people who smoke it.